Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Early morning on Day 3

This is my third Day 3 of Week 1. Translation: I get a major infusion of drugs on Monday. When I leave the office I have a little pump that I wear until Day 3 at which point it is disconnected. It makes a little noise, seemingly innocuous, but annoying. It does not let me forget I am connected and being infused with drugs. I guess its preferable to being connected in a hospital bed. I get to go anywhere I want. Not a big hardship - except for the constant reminder of being a person who is receiving chemotherapy.

I'm tired these days. I go to work, putter around for a couple of hours. usually managing to accomplish one small thing, like balancing my personal checking account or weighing in on some minor work situation. By 11 I start to fade and go home. Right now, the Tour de France is on television, so I watch that until I cannot keep my eyes open and then go take a nap - a couple of hours. Last night I went to Whitney's and had dinner with him and his children. By 9 I was spent and went home and right to bed.

Next week, Week 2 is, in my short experience, a week of more energy and less concentration on being in treatment. Last week felt almost normal. I went to hear Laurie Lewis three times and had dinner with her on another occasion. I went to work, felt normal, took Tye for a walk a few times, and tried to remember that I am a person who is more than someone in treatment.

And now, today, I am ready to be done with Treatment #3. 1/4 of the way done. 3 down, 9 to go. Single digits! I drift, on occasion, to thoughts of purification, to the image of my body, cleansed and cancer-free. I imagine going to Chapel Hill and seeing the doctor and having him say that the tumors are all gone and I do not have to have surgery after all. That yes, I need to finish the treatment, but without the surgery. But I'm also trying not to get too fixated on that, as it would be a huge disappointment if I had my heart set on it and it didn't happen.

We'll see.

So now, maybe a little more napping until it is time to go to work.

In other notes: I feel good, look good, get comments to that effect, and am generally relieved to not have things worse than they are.

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